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Moral of the Day: The Ice Story

sliding on ice

We’ve been having some pretty frequent bouts of snow these past couple weeks here in Jersey, and it’s been nothing but ice, ice, baby. (Corny? Okay.) Well, being the goofball that I am, I had the brightest of the bright ideas as I was on my way out the door on a quick errand run the other day.

Next to stripper pumps, I had on the worst shoes that you could possibly wear when walking on ice: ol’ non-grip-slip-and-trip ass Uggs. But that was to my advantage, or so I thought. Since my slumdog shedontcare landlord never put down any salt on the driveway and side walk in front of my house, I decided to be Usher in “U Don’t Have to Call” and slide like he did with those Heelys at the end of the video.

usher sliding

Bad idea.

I almost fell and broke my whole hip, Lord Jesus. I almost landed in a full split, Lord Jesus. I’m not even Christian and I felt the father, son and the holy spirit, Lord Jesus. I was so scared I saw my whole life flash before my eyes, Lord Jesus. Jesus wasn’t saving my life so I converted to Islam and called on Prophet Muhammad, Lord Allah. But I straightened right up and walked off like no one saw me, inshallah. Strolled smooth to my truck and cruised right off real cool like, “Bitch, bye bye!”

Ask me if I would I ever try that stunt again.

Shiiiiiiiiiiiit. You must be smoking that la la. 

Moral of the day: think twice before you get cute and try to be a smooth R&B singer gliding on ice.

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About Cecily Michelle (571 Articles)
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