Help! My Man Likes ‘It’ Hairy, I Don’t!


Pause. I know you’re thinking: What sane man in this day and age wants to deal with a hairy cooch? And what woman in her right mind would really walk around flaunting a bush? But, lo and behold, there is indeed a handsome sum of barbarians fellows stuck in the cave age who are turned on by bushy pum pum. (Namely the uniquely-aged group of men who still use terms like “jive,” “turkey,” and “sucka.” Oh, and can’t forget about those select Africans and Caribbeans who’ve been enculturated to like their women’s sexy parts just as wild as the shrubbery back a yaad. #Facts)

Now, on to the matter at hand.

I was exercising my impeccable eavesdropping skills the other day at Target and overheard a young tenderoni discussing her punany drama while in the process of snagging some lady napkins. (Talk about a co-winky-dink…coincidence people, coincidence.) Anyway, ol’ girl was blabbing to her friend about this sugar daddy older guy she recently started dating who told her that she HAD to keep her wet wet on

chia pet

My face:

katt williams wtf face

wtf face girl


At that point, I had to exit stage left to keep from laughing out loud, but I imagine her friend told her what any good friend would: f*ck outta here!

Okay, okay, depending on the situation, I would condone a woman who’s used to being bare down there sacrificing her sanity to pleasure her partner. Like, when he’s really a sugar daddy and you need to get that shmoney.

Okay giiiiiirrrrrl!

rihanna tongue out.jpg

Now, gold-digging motives aside, if you’re really in love with a guy, see a future with him, are already building a future with him, and he too is making sacrifices for you, then b*tch you betta get ta un-whacking on them weeds! (At least give this negro a landing strip—it’s called compromise, witcho selfish ass.) But if this is someone you’re just calling to do the freaky-deaky-every-weeky-but-ain’t-nothing-but-a-temporary-plug-for-your-late-night-leaky, once again (clears throat…ahem, hem): f*ck outta here!

Ain’t nobody got time for that!

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