It’s a new year, so people are about to be on their “new year, new me” bullshit. (Sigh.) No one wants to hear about how many pounds you’re about to drop ma-ma. “Oh, the summer ain’t ready! #BeachBodiesAreMadeInTheWinter,” and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You said that same shit 365 days ago, and look at you now:
Errbody and their momma wanna talk about their New Year’s resolutions, what they’re changing, and what they’re improving. But are we really doing it people, or is it all for show? And are some things just plain, well…what-the-f*ck-ish? You’re all online broadcasting all the friends and followers you’re about to remove from your social media accounts ’cause “haters” and “ghost followers” ain’t “liking” this or “loving” that, or giving your thirsty ass a double tap. LISTEN:
And let me see one more person talmbout they’re going vegan when they know damn well they’re sittin’ in Mickey D’s right now about to order that new quadruple-stacked, bacon-buttered Big Mac. And oh, let’s not forget the “I’m saving my money this year because I need a new car…I’m finally getting outta debt and buying my dream home” bozos.
B*#ch! Didn’t I just see you on Snap in a new thousand-dollar weave, totin’ a Michale Kors bag, buying rounds for Shanequa and the rest of your broke-ass friends in the club last night?
Like Nike said,
just do the damn-motha-fucking-shit just do it! Do we really need an announcement? I’m all for speaking it into existence…when you’re actually putting in the effort and not just attention-whoring. (Three snaps.)
On that note, make sure y’all like, comment and share my post before I block and delete all y’all raggedy asses! I need as much publicity as possible so that I can stack my coins for this expensive-ass vegan lifestyle I’m about to embark on. Y’all know I’m going on my diet next week. I gotta get my life!
Oh and, by-the-way: Happy New Year! Let’s all be great!